I don’t feel like making art.
Lately my motivation has been….lacking. I think this is what happens when life opens back up after nearly two years of canceled plans. I tried to pace myself this year–I kept telling myself I did not want to be as busy as I was before the pandemic. But then everything opened back up, theatre started up again, travel became more realistic and now I find myself busy, not as busy as before, but still busier than I anticipated.
I feel guilty even remotely complaining about being busy with lots of exciting and positive things on my calendar. But I also know that I can be grateful and overwhelmed and tired and excited at the same time.
August-October I was all over the place–NYC, Disneyworld, on stage, off stage, the Renaissance Fair, shows, parties, but now I’m on the couch, with a bladder infection. (Happy Bladder Health Month by the way!)
My body is literally begging me to slow down. So I’m trying to listen. Typing from the couch while chugging water, I’m doing my best. I haven’t felt like making art very much these past few months–and I wonder why!! I’ve been so busy. How could I possibly feel the desire to create or exert any additional energy?
It’s a big lesson for me: when I don’t feel like making art that's probably a good sign to rest. To slow down. To look around. To listen. To just be. I would have thought I figured that lesson out a bit ago, but life is very cyclical and here it is reminding me of lessons I too soon forgot.
Here’s some other signs for me to slow down (maybe you relate to them too):
I start to feel annoyed and obligated to do things rather than excited about commitments
Easily irritable
Feeling overwhelmed (duh)
Lack of inspiration/motivation to do create
I find myself scrolling waaaaaaaay too much
When I’m eating a LOT of granola bars–that usually means I’m not making time for full meals and I’m snacking on the go
I get super jealous of little things that have nothing to do with me–big “why not me? What about me? I wasn’t invited” energy…it’s maybe my least favorite trait about myself tbh
How do I slow down?
Go through my calendar–whatever can be canceled gets canceled!! Weeee!!
Call or text my family/best pals and let them know I’m overwhelmed.
Saying it out loud makes it feel so much better almost immediately. And now my friends know if I need to cancel plans, it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with self preservation.
Tidy up my space.
Take five minutes to just regroup. Dust. Water my plants. Put my dishes in the dishwasher. Whatever I can do. Usually when I’m overwhelmed my physical space is also chaotic. Tidying up clears up the space literally and figuratively (getting those bad vibes moving on their way out!)
Ask for help.
Telling the people in my inner circle I need help is hard, but wow it’s liberating. Realizing I don’t have to do everything myself. Learning to communicate what I need before imploding. Accepting that other people can also clean the bathroom just as well as I could, and why not let them? I’m so thankful for my peeps who have my back.
Self care!
Classic and sounds lame and commercialized now, but there’s a reason everyone talks about self-care–because we need it!
Take a walk. Shower. Take your time getting dressed, put on some lotion, brush your hair, pick up dirty laundry, just lay silently on the floor, have a 10 second dance party, drink some water, eat something cozy or refreshing.
Do a lot of sighing.
Oh the joy of a BIG SIGH! Let it out! SIGH BIG. SIGH SHAMELESSLY! It’s hard to be a person! Walk around and sigh and maybe go “eeeeeeeeeeeee!!” or if you’re like me you can walk around all day saying “oh boy!!!” in various exasperated tones, I promise it actually does help.
Surprisingly writing this made me feel like 5% better. Either that or the antibiotics are working! (I hope they are working)
I hope that this cozy season helps you slow down. I hope you can take care of your body and say no when you want to and yes when you want to.
I hope you remember that you can only truly do one thing at a time, and that is perfectly good enough.
I hope you get your flu shot and your COVID booster and that you drink a lot of water!
Xoxo Elton B
PS if you’re thinking, “dang Elton when is this blog going to be light hearted again?” The answer is, IDK! But I am planning on doing a little post on gratitude again later this month soooo that will be nice.
